Grief is strange. Before my Dad passed away I had an expectation of what losing someone that close to you would feel like. Throughout his illness I stayed strong, partially for my children, but mainly for him. He found it hard for people to be upset, although he could never truly forget he was terminal I guess he liked to try to. So I wore a brave face, until I no longer could.
In those last few days when his illness got very bad very fast and carers were sent to help me my wall began to crumble. I think I cried more then than I did when he actually died.
That's what I mean.. grief is strange. Sometimes I have my moments, generally laid in bed on a night, but mainly there is calm. A calmness that still to this day scares me. But I know its how he would of wanted it. A friend once described it to me as "compared to what you did for him, tears mean nothing".. or something along those lines. And I think that's what kept me sane.
In those last few days when his illness got very bad very fast and carers were sent to help me my wall began to crumble. I think I cried more then than I did when he actually died.
That's what I mean.. grief is strange. Sometimes I have my moments, generally laid in bed on a night, but mainly there is calm. A calmness that still to this day scares me. But I know its how he would of wanted it. A friend once described it to me as "compared to what you did for him, tears mean nothing".. or something along those lines. And I think that's what kept me sane.
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